Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we're making bets on your personal life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Randomize
