He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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