So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
