My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
is that a dick in a sweater?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
