Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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