Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
