When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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