i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
