are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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