Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
false alarm. still invincible.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
