I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
