Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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