He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
