i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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