Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
