It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
