Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
