i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
