the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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