he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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