Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
