I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
