one two three fourrrrnication!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
