your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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