I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
