he wants to bone in the snuggie
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
