i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
