pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
should my penis look like a turkey
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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