1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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