I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
