Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
