i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
