Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
