There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
