...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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