i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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