I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
