I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
