after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
