it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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