I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i barfeds in our rink
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
