Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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