remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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