If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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