what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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