Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
