This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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