there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
