So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
