he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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