Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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