pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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