Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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