I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
