Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
