Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
