I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
