my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
