I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Panties = found
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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