on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
