Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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