At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
