Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
