how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
