If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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