i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
