it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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