Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
