I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
