If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
