hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
