Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's blow job season.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
