You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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