He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
