No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
