Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
