if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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