She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
