i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
